Am I The Only One??

My husband and I were talking the other day about how we've lived in Colorado for close to 3 years now, and we don't have any friends here. That seems weird. Don't normal people have friends, other couples or other parents to hang out with? We don't. I've realized that most of that is by choice. It's not like either of us are antisocial or anything, we just aren't social. I personally have noticed that it's because I don't feel like I fit in here. I've never felt like I fit in anywhere really. Starting when I was young and started a new school in 3rd grade...all the kids had gone to school together since Kindergarten, so I felt out of place. The strange thing is, I went to school with most of those people through high school and I still never felt like I fit in. Now I'm out on my own and still...I don't feel like I fit in anywhere! Most of the people in this town are in college, I definitely don't fit in there since I'm not in college and I have 4 kids. A lot of the parents around here are pretty well off, we're not at all there. I guess in most ways that wouldn't matter, but I'm always worried about being equal to others. I feel like I don't want to have friends because we can't invite them to our house. Truthfully, it's pretty embarrassing, I don't even really like having family members come to our house.
What is it in my head that makes me feel like this. I meet people that have groups of friends and fit in and just seem to have a great social life. I'm jealous of that, but at the same time, I don't want that because I don't feel like I would ever be completely included in any group. I meet people that don't care what others think, and I'm really jealous of that! I wish I could just be able to be myself, do what I do and have friends that accept me for that, but I am always thinking in the back of my head that they never will. I've had friends that I hung out with before we moved here and I felt comfortable with them and everything, but I always had it in the back of my head that they were thinking something bad about me. I felt like they looked down on me because I wasn't skinny, or because I didn't have money to throw around on whatever I wanted, or because I didn't have a nice car, or because I didn't have the nice, fashionable clothes. Obviously, not everyone I've been friends with thinks those things about me, so it has to be in my head. These are things that I'm unhappy about in my own life. I realize that, but what in the world do I do about it?
I was laying in bed last night thinking about this and I just kept wondering, am I the only person that feels like this? What is wrong with me? Why am I embarrassed about my life? I have 4 beautiful children, a wonderful husband who works his butt off to give us the life we have. We've had some hard times and things aren't exactly great financially. We live in a 2 bedroom house with 6 people, we don't have a crib for the baby to sleep in yet, our bed is in the living room so that the kids can have more space and not have to share a bedroom and my kids don't have all the things I would love for them to have. But (yep, I started a sentence with "but", so what?), all in all, we have a great life. We live in an absolutely beautiful part of the country, we can drive 10 minutes and be in the Rocky Mountains. My husband takes care of his family and we are very much in love after 9 years of marriage, there are so many couples my age that can't make a marriage last at all, so I'm definitely thankful for that. My kids are happy, sure they don't get a toy every time they see one at the store that they want, but at least I know they're not spoiled brats. So what is it about this unhappy feeling? Why can't I just accept things for what they are and go out and make friends that I can hang out with. Well, if I ever figure that out, I guess I'll be a much more self-confident person.
Of course, as I'm typing this, I'm thinking that I don't want to publish it because....yeah, you guessed it, people will think bad things about me because of it. Well, I'm doing it anyway. Let's just call it therapy and hope it's the beginning of me getting over it!